What is higher self

What is Higher Self (4 New Questions to Ask Your Higher Self)

You may have heard the term “align with your higher self,” but what is higher self? It’s not some woo-woo, unachievable “thing.” It’s also not something that is really complicated.

So, what is higher self? In simple terms, it is you stepping out of your ego to connect to yourself and what is truly best for you. As with most of my posts, I am going to use myself as an example to answer the question, “What is higher self?”

What is Higher Self?

For those who knew me prior to the beginning of my healing journey, they would tell you that they experienced me as explosive, unstable, unpredictable, and highly “emotional.” Now, in all honesty, there are still times where I fall back into that. (I’m sure my husband can attest to that at times!)

It’s easy to do that as I lived most of my life disconnected from my higher self. Operating from a negative, highly charged, “lower self” was my norm and what I was taught.

Whenever somebody hurt me, I acted from my ego and unleashed my hurt onto the person who hurt me and anybody who crossed my path. I truly apologize to those who felt the wrath of my unhealthy ways. Those were very dark times for me.

The Opposite of Higher Self

In order to better explain what is higher self, I am going to show you how I operated in a way that was the opposite of that, from my “lower self” or ego. One of the biggest ways I did that was in texting with my mom.

There were a few years when my mom and I primarily communicated with text messages. If there was a phone call, it was also followed up by text messages that were mean and hateful in response to hurtful things she said. During those times, if I had asked myself, “did you align with your higher self?” the answer would’ve been a big, fat “NO.”

My mom would say something hurtful to me either on the phone or in a text message. My response would be to fire off very lengthy, irate texts in an attempt to hurt her as she hurt me for many years and was still doing so. I felt vindicated in doing so at the time.

I believed that I had a right to tell her what I thought about her. Trust me, I said things that cut her deeply and, sadly, that was my intent. I’m sure it was received that way, too.

If you’re still wondering, “what is higher self?”, that is NOT it! That was my being fully in my ego. The years I spent there were some of the most miserable of my life.

Struggling to Align with Your Higher Self

Another way I operated from my ego and not my higher self was wby plotting revenge on people who had hurt me. I thought that they deserved whatever I concocted in my angry, little mind to get back at them for hurting me.

When we operate from our emotions, we are disconnected from our higher selves. Now, it is incredibly difficult to operate from and stay connected to our higher selves. As with most of what I write about, we aren’t taught how to do that, but you can learn how.

Hopefully, you have a decent picture of what operating from your ego and NOT from your higher self looks like now. So, I want to use those same examples to illustrate “what is higher self?”

Operating Out of Pain

It’s no secret that my mom and I have had a very tumultuous relationship. The pain she caused me is also one of the sources of my greatest healing in this lifetime.

My ego begged and pleaded for her to see the pain that she caused me. I thought I needed her to acknowledge all of the trauma and ways she hurt me in order for me to be okay. It would still be nice for that to happen, but I also have to be honest with myself about her conscious inability to do so. I can still heal without that, though, and I have worked hard to do so.

When I can sit back and tap into my higher self, I see that I don’t want to continue that cycle of causing pain between me and my mother. I want that cycle to end. My higher self knows that my ego needs to sit down.

Instead, my higher self wants to send my mom a message of love and forgiveness. I know that her highest self would want the same if she were able to acknowledge her higher self as well. Unfortunately, she’s not there. So, I have to work hard to remain in a place of love and forgiveness, which is my true higher self.

At this point, you are probably still a little confused and still don’t have a really clear picture of “what is higher self?” So, let me give you a little more guidance to clear that up for you with some questions to ask your higher self.

Questions to Ask Your Higher Self:

  1. Am I responding from a place of pain?
  2. Are my actions or thoughts in alignment with unconditional love?
  3. Will I be able to say that my behaviors came from a healthy place?
  4. Can I truly say that I will have pride in my actions or thoughts?

When we are children, we naturally act in response to emotional pain. If my three-year-old is sad or mad that I won’t let him have a third fruit bar, he lets me know what he thinks about that. When I tell him that he has to take a “nappy poo” and he wants to play upstairs, he sometimes tells me, “go away Mommy.”

Obviously, he is not consciously trying to hurt my feelings. Instead, he is hurt. He sees that what I am telling him made him sad. It seems to be that our natural response is often to hurt the person who hurt us. As parents, we have to let our egos go and remind ourselves that our children are learning about feelings and how to interact with others while we are still learning that, too.

A three-year-old doesn’t know anything about his higher self, but, for those of you reading this, you can’t use that excuse. So, think about times when, as an adult, you have responded from a place of pain when you didn’t get your way or you were hurt.

Were those actions in alignment with unconditional love? Nope, probably not. Also, please know that reacting from a place of unconditional love is hard. So, don’t aim for instantly reacting in that way. It’s not realistic when you are learning to align with your higher self.

The Process of Aligning with Your Higher Self

Instead, allow yourself time after the interactions where you did not align with your higher self to use the Questions to Ask Your Higher Self above. Doing that will help you in the future as you are aiming to align with your higher self more often.

Let’s go back to my example of the nasty text message exchanges between me and my mom. I can most certainly say those actions did not come from a healthy place. They came from my wanting acknowledgment, to be seen, to be heard, and to be accepted.

As for Number Four in Questions to Ask Your Higher Self, pride is not something I can say I have in regards to my actions with the text messages that I sent to my mom. Looking back, I wish that I had just responded with something like, “I love you and wish we could improve our relationship.”

I did that at times, but still sunk back into operating from my lower self. Again, you will not get this right every time. So, give yourself some grace. You are learning a very difficult thing and a thing that many never attempt to learn.

The way that I explain how to heal most things I write about is by telling you what has worked for me on my healing journey and I will continue that in teaching you how to visualize your highest self because I only know what has worked for me.

Visualize Your Highest Self

I am a very visual person. When I sit and go to a meditation higher self “place,” I start at my heart. I connect to my heart and can feel that loving energy vibrating right in the center of my heart.

Sitting with that loving, warm energy for several moments or minutes really allows me to come to a place of peace and stillness. That is one of the goals we should have in life. Have more moments of peace and stillness.

Once, I really feel that loving energy in my heart, I allow that energy to move to my spine and go above the crown of my head. I feel that positive shift and, if that starts slipping away, I just start over again until I can maintain it for a little longer.

Usually, I repeat that process over and over until my mind is in a calm, loving space. I imagine that my soul is sitting above my body and grounding my ego. When I do this, my physical body begins to relax. That feeling of calm moves down my body and I can slow my mind.

The Meditation Higher Self Process

This meditation higher self process can allow you to see your pain and what you need to do to process the pain. I’ve done this many times after interactions with my mother.

It shows me that she, too, is in pain. I also know that I am the only one who will respond from a place of healing, unconditional love. Seeing and knowing that allows me to make a conscious choice as to whether to remain in and operate from my higher self or to match her behaviors coming from a place of pain.

Once you learn how to do this meditation higher self process, you’ll be able to quickly align with your higher self. However, there’s another part in here that I also need to discuss.

When I mentioned that the meditation higher self process can allow you to see your pain and what you need to do to process the pain, you may have been wondering what that might look like. There are lots of different needs you may have to uncover when you do this process.

Processing Feelings that Come Up in the Process

What I typically need is to allow myself to acknowledge the anger. For the majority of my life, anger was my “go-to” emotion. That can still show up for me now.

Noticing feelings of anger now points me towards the sadness that I pushed away for many years. It’s my belief that most, if not all, anger is repressed sadness. If you want to read more about that, I encourage you to read my post, Anger is Often Repressed Feelings of Sadness.

So, I let myself cry and process the sadness. Your process may look differently than mine, as we all experience feelings in different ways. My post Struggling to Get Your Needs Met might be helpful for you.

Figure out what your needs are when you are following the meditation higher self process and answering the Questions to Ask Your Higher Self. Then, do what you need to do to get those needs met.

Committing to the Process

Hopefully, you can now more easily understand, “What is Higher Self?,” and how to align with your higher self. Even though I gave you my process for doing this, that does NOT mean that it is simple or easy or that the same thing will work for you.

It is anything but simple and easy, but, just like I always say with regard to the process of your healing journey, I promise that it’s worth it. Learning how to visualize your highest self in order to align with your higher self will create more peace and love in your life. We all need more of that!

If you have any questions about this process or anything related to “What is your higher self?,” please comment below and I will respond to you. Sending you love as you begin to navigate this part of your healing journey!


This site is only intended for people who are truly willing to look at themselves with an open mind and have the ability to truly be vulnerable with themselves and others. Please understand that this site is in NO WAY THERAPEUTIC ADVICE. However, this site can be very beneficial in learning the causes of your Not Good Enough Stuff. This site is not intended to provide or replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Mary Beth HIGHLY RECOMMENDS finding a licensed therapist to help you process the information from this site and all that you learn about yourself. Visit Psychology Today to find a licensed therapist in your area.

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Justin W

I am connected to my Higher Self! It was a journey, but now we work hand in hand with love, creating our Heaven right here on Earth. 💖