Not Good Enough Stuff Explanation
There are so many souls searching for peace. However, Not Good Enough Stuff can get in the way. That prevents healing those souls searching for peace.
You may be wondering how I came up with the name of my blog. During my life, I have had many roles. For example, I am a therapist, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a wife, and a mother.
Several years ago, I began realizing that there was a commonality with every single person I came into contact with in all of those roles.
I realized every single person, myself included, deals with Not Good Enough Stuff, a.k.a. NGES.
This may be conscious, subconscious or a mixture of both. Of course, healing Not Good Enough Stuff is the answer to creating the life we want.
However, for all of those souls searching for healing, it’s easy to get lost in our Not Good Enough Stuff.
So, what in the world is Not Good Enough Stuff? Many of you probably know exactly what I’m talking about because you know it well.
Some of you may have somewhat of an idea and many of you may be clueless. My guess is the latter is probably pretty rare if you found your way to this blog.
Another guess of mine is that these souls searching for peace have tried self loving affirmations and anything else that might help with healing the soul.
Souls Searching with Not Good Enough Stuff
The problem I found with trying self loving affirmations and everything else out there, is that it still prevented me from loving myself. Your Not Good Enough Stuff makes learning to love yourself almost impossible.
Not Good Enough Stuff is that little “person” or “voice” in your head that tells you how you should or should not live your life based on how you feel about yourself.
This is both conscious and subconscious. It can affect so many choices you make throughout your day.
Many of you are probably nodding your heads because again, you know about your Not Good Enough Stuff all too well. Additionally, Not Good Enough Stuff is a culmination of all the people and experiences in your life that have given you messages that you’re not good enough.
Those messages can begin all the way from conception. Yes, that may be hard to imagine. If so, click here to read the blog post on The Creation of Negative Self-Talk.
Souls Searching While Parenting with Not Good Enough Stuff
Often parents look at their own “failures” and decide they are going to do everything they can for their child to be successful. They want success for their child in whatever they perceived as their own “failures.”
Those failures are simply the Not Good Enough Stuff the parents carried throughout their lives. In turn, they pass that Not Good Enough Stuff onto their children.
Are you wondering what that might look like? Imagine a father who played soccer and didn’t “make it” as far as he believed was possible.
That father has a son who he determines will play soccer, whether the son likes it or not. The father’s Not Good Enough Stuff prevents him from seeing reality. His son does not like soccer.
Meanwhile, he is forced to play soccer, no matter what. He might not even be athletic, which is absolutely ok!
So, imagine a child who is not athletic and is being forced to play soccer. It makes me so sad for him. His father’s Not Good Enough Stuff has become the son’s Not Good Enough Stuff.
Now, it’s quite possible that the son will try his best to do well at soccer. He knows that will make his father happy.
Take a moment to think about what that would do to the son. He is up against impossible odds due to not being athletic.
No matter how much practicing he does, there is not a “good enough” improvement in skills.
You’ve all probably seen the parents on the sides of the fields screaming at their kids’ sporting events because they are so “into” the sport.
I’ve witnessed parents being embarrassed when their child didn’t play to the parents’ liking. This will assure that the child will grow up to be one of the many souls searching for peace with a huge pile of Not Good Enough Stuff.
Sadly, that child is often yelled at and shamed in front of everyone. There goes more stuff added to the child’s Not Good Enough Stuff.
Souls Searching for Peace in Adulthood
Let’s look at some more examples, but this time from adulthood. Think about a young woman who is working at a job for which she trained in school.
At the beginning of the job, she feels quite competent. As time goes on, the boss begins dumping his Not Good Enough Stuff on her.
The boss starts saying things like “Do you not know what you’re doing?”, “I thought you knew what you were doing when I hired you”, “What made you think this was acceptable work?”
Chances are that she already had a decent-sized pile of Not Good Enough Stuff because, again, we ALL have a pile!
The voice of the boss, who has not healed any of his own Not Good Enough Stuff, starts becoming the negative voice in her head.
She cannot understand that is not her true soul’s voice and takes that voice as her own voice.
Now, that employee begins questioning whether or not she can do the job, regardless of the training and experience that says she can.
For those of you who have had bosses like that, you know all too well the effects it can have. The Not Good Enough Stuff from work begins to spill into every single aspect of your life.
That employee may begin to question things she had always been confident in because now her Not Good Enough Stuff is piling higher and higher.
There are many examples I could give about what Not Good Enough Stuff is, but hopefully, after reading the previous examples, you have a better understanding.
My guess is that you are playing different scenarios in your head now as you can easily relate to those examples.
Not Good Enough Stuff is NEVER something that we actually created ourselves, although, most people struggle to understand that because it seems as if our Not Good Enough Stuff is of our own making. That can be a very difficult concept to understand.
Parents Learning to Love Yourself
Imagine a precious little newborn. Is there anything in the world that could make that sweet, little baby not good enough for anything?
Absolutely not and if you disagree then you’re a shitty human. Babies have pure souls and they all deserve love, attention, affection and all the other good stuff. However, many don’t get that.
Sadly, what many babies get is their parents’ piles of Not Good Enough Stuff that then, become their own piles.
If you are freaking out about the Not Good Enough Stuff you may have put on your own child, take a deep breath.
EVERY SINGLE PARENT screws up their baby in some way. The majority don’t do this maliciously or consciously. I often ask people what things they did to intentionally cause harm to their baby.
Yes, that may seem like an odd question. It is! Most parents are perplexed for a minute after being asked that question. Then, they are able to answer that they never did anything to intentionally cause harm to their baby.
Obviously, there are parents who intentionally cause harm, but that’s not the topic today. My heart truly goes out to any of you who suffered from these kinds of parents.
Please know that you can still heal your Not Good Enough Stuff, too, even though it may seem insurmountable.
Let’s go back to how all parents screw up their kids in some way. Sounds harsh, right? Well there is good news. Your child can heal from the Not Good Enough Stuff you put on them AND you have the ability to guide them towards that healing.
How in the world are you supposed to do that when you don’t know how to heal your own Not Good Enough Stuff? The answer lies within that question. When you begin exploring and healing your Not Good Enough Stuff, it teaches your child to do the same.
Babies and Not Good Enough Stuff
There were times when I was crying and upset over something difficult in my life and my baby saw that.
You may think I’m crazy, but I’m ok with that. I think it’s important to show feelings to children so they learn it’s acceptable to have feelings.
Simultaneously, I had conversations with my little baby to explain that Mommy was working on her Not Good Enough Stuff and that the situation had NOTHING to do with him.
I even go so far as explaining to a baby who can’t even talk yet! I explain what things I am doing to continue healing Not Good Enough Stuff.
Seriously? Do I really think that my little baby can understand what I am discussing?
Yes, I do! The reason I believe he can understand it is because he can read the energy of my words and my soul.
Say what? Are you thinking I believe that my baby is some kind of spiritually gifted baby? Well, if you are thinking that, then you are correct. I do believe he is incredibly gifted spiritually.
However, all babies have that same ability to read the energy of others. As we get older, that ability typically diminishes because the world squashes it.
Alright, now back to healing Not Good Enough Stuff and parents screwing their kids up!
The reason I was explaining some of the interactions between my baby and me is that I was illustrating how to help your children when you realize you put your Not Good Enough Stuff on them.
Teaching children how to express feelings and how to heal is the most important thing you could ever teach them!
Hopefully, you have a good understanding of what Not Good Enough Stuff is and how we end up with such large piles of it in our lives. My goal is to help guide those souls searching for peace to heal their Not Good Enough Stuff.
Are you one of those souls searching for peace with a lot of Not Good Enough Stuff? Where did you get some of your Not Good Enough Stuff? Where are you in your process of healing Not Good Enough Stuff?
No matter what your answers are, you can still heal and it is absolutely worth the hard work!
To learn about healing the negative self-talk of Not Good Enough Stuff, click here.
“Better is not good enough; the best is yet to come.” -T.B. Joshua
This site is only intended for people who are truly willing to look at themselves with an open mind and have the ability to truly be vulnerable with themselves and others. Please understand that this site is in NO WAY THERAPEUTIC ADVICE. However, this site can be very beneficial in learning the causes of your Not Good Enough Stuff. This site is not intended to provide or replace medical or psychiatric treatment. Mary Beth HIGHLY RECOMMENDS finding a licensed therapist to help you process the information from this site and all that you learn about yourself. Visit Psychology Today to find a licensed therapist in your area.
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This is so helpful! I think a lot of my “Not Good Enough Stuff” comes from past encounters with bullies and toxic people. I internalized a lot of their cruel, critical comments when I shouldn’t have. I’m doing my best to heal by repeatedly convincing myself that I am a strong person worthy of happiness and success. I’m also trying not to beat myself up as much and let my perfectionist side belittle my work and effort. I’m glad I came across your blog, and I look forward to reading more of your work. Take care!
Oh Michelle, I am so glad you found my blog! Internalizing the Not Good Enough Stuff of others is very common to do, instead of realizing it is their Not Good Enough Stuff and not yours. So, be proud that you are gaining conscious awareness of that. What we can’t see, we can’t heal! YOU ARE SO WORTHY OF HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS! Tell that voice that beats you up to sit her butt down! If you’d like to receive each new post I write each week, you can subscribe. I also send out a weekly thought for inspiration every Monday. Keep doing your work and learning to love yourself. I promise that it is ALWAYS worth it. Sending such love to you on your continued journey of healing!